Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Just stuff...

Some updates...Jillian and I are sweating to her killer workouts. Well, I am...Jillian can still tell me what to do while she is working out...i on the other hand frequently grab an oxygen mask (ha...just kidding, i am really not doing so bad). Food is getting better.

Not an update...me just blogging....
I will tell you that you can be done with my blog by just reading the above. I need to talk to someone and it does not have to be you. Because I don't want people (or my 3 readers) to think I am always sad. I do have joy in my life. I promise, promise to write joyfully next time.

Actually, I can write joyfully now. Cora Jean came into this world today and is the daughter of Andy and Jodi Wells. She came around 5:30ish tonight and weighed 6lbs 12 oz. I got to hold her...wow, how very little a baby looks--you forget how little they are! But not what a miracle they are...wow! she is beautiful!

more...Just blogging...
Okay...the reason i need to talk to blog world is tonight I began addressing Megan's college grad. announcements. I came to "merlin james", my step dad...and lost it. You see my mom was one of Megan's biggest fans and encouragers. And i didn't realize how very hard it would be to address that envelope. I am glad Merlin is around and he is coming to the graduation (only family coming) but I lost it. And now am in a tiny funk...missing my mom.

I starred at her pictures and selfishly wished she was here. But know she is cancer free and with Jesus! Gee, she is singing "hallelujah" and saying "He is Risen" in heaven with Jesus this Easter! How could i ever selfishly wish she was here to see a graduation. But I know Jesus feels my tears and opens the "Betsy's tears" jar and collects. He is not tired of collecting them. He understands and is sad with me. I am sad that Brian's parents are not here to cheer for her...they also were her fans.

A verse I found on a blog..."In His heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Prov. 16:9) I had plans my mom would be at Megan's graduation (she was at her high school, thank you Jesus!) from college. She knew Megan's challenges, but yet she was so very proud of her. I want her here.

I want her to hold my hand as the tears roll down my cheeks as I watch our daughter walk across that stage (she better walk slow!) and get her diploma. We were told most of her life she would not even get her high school diploma...now she is receiving her college diploma with honors.

In my mind I know my mom and dad are watching (and Chip and Bev); but my heart is broken that they are not here. I know they have the best seat in the house! I know from the verse the Lord has determined and delivered His plan for Megan's "steps" across that stage.

I am rejoicing. I am sooo very excited. I want that walk to take forever. I want to see every part of her schooling and struggles to flash across my mind. I am so very proud of her and what she has accomplished.

So thank you Lord for your promises that you delivered. For Megan who was a beautiful baby girl some 24 years ago. My first girl. Thank you Lord for bringing her to my arms to hold and guide throughout her 24 years. Thank you for giving me that gift. I know you love her so much more than i can ever fathom. I know she is yours and not mine.

So, Lord continue to determine her steps...YOU have done an amazing job! I know you will be there beside me holding my hand and catching my tears as WE watch Megan Elizabeth Hall get her college diploma. Thank you! I love you Jesus.

Thank you for showing me how much you loved me when you stretched out those arms on the cross...."this much, betsy...I love you, this much".

Easter Blessings to you all....as we say He has Risen, He has Risen!


~Trina~ said...

Just started reading Jillian's new book. I think it's going to be excellent. Maybe some answers to why it's so hard to get the pesky weight off.

Dawn Cartwright said...

My heart is with you dear friend- shed those tears, they are well earned. At least you let it out. I tend to shove it all in- my mom never got to see me married or know any of my kids. So it's better for me not to even allow myself to go there. But my heart is with you, totally understanding those feelings. Love you and Megan and Moly. What a blessing your family has been to me! (and Brian)

Real Simple said...

thanks blogger buddies for your comments! appreciate your love and truthfulness. sorry dawn about your mom...you see there is always a harder story or someone else with a story! we will share a tale someday soon together! miss you!