Monday, April 26, 2010

April 26, 2010...4 years

Today is the annivesary (do you call it that) of my mom's entrance into heaven (i like that better than "her passing" or "her death".

I talked about this before...that maybe I should be graduating from grief? Ironic it is the year Molly is graduating. I admit it was easier, but it does not have to be his day to make me miss my mom. I just remember what i was doing 4 years ago today. bummer.

So I will focus on the other "graduate" in our house and I will depend on God's healing with my "graduation date"from missing my mom. I know that my dad has been gone for 16 years...he passed 2 days before Molly's first birthday,so i always remember that day.

I will continue to use the word "GAP" --- "God Always Provides" to get me through this day and all the others. I am known as Gapgirl 06. It is just harder as I approach the graduation of would have loved it, Molly giving a speech, molly's gpa, and the party! She is where i get my "creativity" (and from dad). I gave one of my high school grad speeches, but it was NOT due to my good grads. I tried out for it. Now Molly will give one... wild!

I just always encourage people who still have parents to hug on them,ALOT! appreciate the time, love on them, do for them, get the stories, write on the back of pictures!

loving my mom today, missing her everyday.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Announcements, Tassels, Mortar Boards and more

Well, the announcements are on the dining room table. They did not come folded. So I guess that is my job. Need a bone folder (Martha Stewart HELP!). I need to go to Sam's and order the wallets to put in the announcements. I also in the process of making a "photo card" for the Open House invites and announcing the GRADUATE. We only got 50"formal" invites and we have over a 100 to send out. Now you know what I am doing this weekend! Crazy busy these days. Molly said it even made her sad seeing the graduation stuff. (but a good sad, a reality check, a "final" notice)

But the coolest thing I see in all this (and what gets me through each moment) is that Jesus planned this moment for Molly. How cool is that! Very cool. I am sad for people who do not know Jesus and do not experience this peace. Jer. 29:11.

I asked Molly for her favorite verse the other day for some project I am doing....she replied "look on the bathroom wall or in the bedroom on the walls" and she is righ. What a blessing to see a teens bathroom with scripture all over the mirror and the bedroom the same! Why does my mirror not look like that? It should. I am humbled by my daughters walk.

So continue to pray for the preparations that need to be finished, all the planning that still is up in the air, and the fun times ahead as we approach that very exciting day.

As I folded the "keepsake" announcement. All I could say is "look mom, oh how I miss you not being here". My heart hurts so badly, (that is my emotional eating problem) Grieving that has still not healed. Moments with my mom that were missed. But I know she is fine. I believe she is aware of this "Molly Moment" and of my tears. She would want me not to be sad and not to shed tears. But to live for the moment. To reach out for Christ hands for comfort. So I shall, mommy, I shall reach out and let Christ hold my hand, just like you did for so many years. Just as we held hands in your Hospice room 4 years ago (My mom entered heaven 4/26/06)

Thanks Jesus for holding my hand and holding my mom's in heaven!

"Jesus, lover of my soul...."

Sunday, April 18, 2010

5 weeks from now.

Five weeks from now, our youngest will have graduated and the open house will be over. But this is not the end...this is a new beginning for her and for us. We are leaning on Christ promises, especially Jeremiah 29:11. I recently wrote that verse out from The Message version and found it very enlightening: "...I know what I am doing. I have it all planned out--plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.""When you call on me, when you come and pray to me. I'll listen.""When you come looking from me, you'll find me.""Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." GOD's DECREE. (Jer. 29:11-14)

Powerful. What a reminder of God's promise to never leave us. He won't leave Molly just because she is graduating from high school. He won't abandon me when she goes off to Southeastern in August. We will both be hanging on to every word from this verse. To find love, comfort, hope and someone to run to when we are lonely.
I thank God that He knows better than me what Molly needs. I thank God that He will be joining her on that campus. Walking with her to her first class, just like I took her to class her first day in first grade. He will hold her hand, He held her hand back then too.

He is her faithful Father in Heaven and on Earth. He is mine too.

So as I ponder and prepare for the weeks ahead. I know He is catching every tear, calming every frantic moment, and caring for both of us as we enter a new journey...but not new to God.

So pray for Molly. Pray for her walk with Jesus. That it continues to grow deeper and she leans on His words for wisdom. Molly is a wonderful woman, full of God's grace, compassion, love, and joy. She will give God all the glory, as we will this next journey.

(i still am sad, but Jesus knows that...He is not surprised, nor disappointed. Just holding me tightly for now.)

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, Easter...

All four days equal freedom and GRACE from Jesus. Thank you Jesus for all you did for me and still do for me. I look forward to working on your agenda for me and not my agenda for me! I pray I get it soon!

So celebrate our KING...JESUS...Celebrate the GRACE that was delivered at the cross!
Tell someone "happy Easter". I did on my bike ride and got 2 responses. I am hoping that I just didn't hear the others! praying for more to come to know Jesus.


Separate note:

My previous blog talked about becoming a better person...i thought that through more...i do not mean to belittle people who have or had cancer...I have lived through it with my mom and it was very, very difficult. The challenge of my blog was for me to a "better" person for the mere reason I KNOW JESUS!! I want to do that NOW! I think that is why when i am walking or riding i always wave to FedEx drivers, UPS drivers, garbage men....i think one wave and smile goes along way to those guys and YOU KNOW WHAT THEY always wave back!!!!! try it!
So anyway...I still am praying for God's help in this matter and my obedience to His calling.

Enjoy Easter blessings, may they flow this weekend and always